A bestie’s betrayal may be friendship-ender – Baltimore Sun

Dear Amy: My best friend, Alexis, dated married men for years and continued this behavior during the early years of her own marriage, which caused several marriages to end. During a recent group dinner, I learned that she had an affair with my former boyfriend, Sam, during the time he and I were together. Sam and I had a significant, long-term relationship, and their affair lasted for several months. Alexis pressured me to drop Sam during our relationship, and I now wonder if she had an agenda.

After confronting her, Alexis admitted to the affair but downplayed it, trying to gaslight me by saying I was jealous. I am furious and feel betrayed, as I watched her wreck other marriages but never thought she would harm me. She has refused to apologize and is telling others that discussing the affair is infantile. I am angry and hurt and don’t know where to go from here.

From here, you should take time for yourself to process and make sense of this new information. Best friends trust one another, and Alexis broke that trust. No one should be labeled as a “nutcase” without consequences. Once you clarify your feelings, you’ll decide what those consequences will be.

In a separate question, a reader asks if they are overreacting by no longer wanting to be friends with a couple who didn’t give them advance notice of a bedbug infestation in their apartment. The reader states they believe the friends should have given them a heads-up and reassurance that the infestation had been dealt with, which I wholeheartedly agree with. The reader should research how to check for bedbugs and make a decision about the friendship after that.

Another reader wonders if tipping generously at restaurants warrants a thank-you from the server. It’s a good gesture for the server to acknowledge a generous tip, but they may not see the amount of the tip immediately or have been trained not to comment on tips to the customer. It might be good for Business if they did, but the reader shouldn’t expect it.

Historically, there have been cases where individuals have dealt with betrayal and dishonesty in friendships, leading to a breakdown of trust and changing the dynamics of relationships. The issue of tipping has been a subject of debate in the service industry, with some arguing that servers should acknowledge generous tips while others believe it is at the discretion of the customer.

For more advice and ethical insights, you can follow Amy Dickinson on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook, and you can share your own questions with her via email or letter. ©2023 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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